Parenting advice: How to have two rooms for a child after divorce
How to set up two rooms in two locations for a child and helping the child cope.
Going through a divorce is a difficult thing for all involved. Divorces are probably most difficult for the children because the lives that they have grown up knowing are ripped from beneath their feet. No matter what parents do, some children will always have difficulty adjusting to their new life. One big part of making this adjustment easier is making sure they have a room they can call their own at each of their parents’ homes.
Having two homes is a difficult thing for a child. The most important part of having two rooms of their own is allowing them to be as involved as possible. Let them make some of the decisions that need to be made. Let them pick the color that the walls are painted or any wallpaper that will be put up. Allow them to choose what theme they want for their room and what type of furniture they would like. Sometimes low budgets due to the financial strains of divorce make for limited decisions, but give them a choice between things that you can afford. Being involved with these decisions gives the child a sense of control in a situation that they are otherwise out of control in.
Another thing that is very important is for the belongings of the child to be evenly divided among their two rooms. Having all their old stuff in one place and getting all new stuff in the other is not only unfair to the child, but also to the parent that would need to purchase everything for that child. And even more so if there is more than one child involved. It also gives a sense of comfort for the child to have familiar things in both places. If they want their favorite stuffed animal to stay at their mother’s home, then have them pick another second favorite stuffed animal for them to take and keep at their father’s home. If they want their favorite blanket to go to dad’s, then have them choose another comfort item to keep at mom’s house. The most important thing to remember is not to restrict the child from what they can or can not take with them. If there is something like a comfort object that they can’t do without, then allow them to transport it with them to both places.
Sometimes a child will miss the other parent when they are at one’s house. This is where two people must put their differences aside for the sake of the child. Allow the child to keep a picture or even an entire photo album filled with pictures of the other parent in their room. This way, they can look at it anytime they find themselves missing that parent. The child may also wish to talk about the other parent to help them miss him or her a little less. This takes a lot of discipline from the parent that the child is talking to because sometimes, it is difficult not to talk badly about the other parent, but for the sake of the child, parents should refrain from any negativity. Knowing that both parents are still there for them and still love them very much is important to the happiness and adjustment of the child.
Having two rooms in two different locations can be quite traumatic for a child, but it doesn’t have to be. If the parents work together to make sure the child will be comfortable, they can help to lessen the pain of the divorce, if only a little. Giving the child some say in how the rooms are decorated and furnished will not only give them a sense of pride, but also help them to feel better about having to go between two homes. Divorce is not an easy time for a child, but the parents can definitely work to make things easier for them.