Free dating advice: Tips for making a long distance relationship survive
Whether separated for education,travel,military service or business, surviving a long distance relationship requires the same 4 things; Commitment, Communication, Consideration, and Direct Approach.
Many of us find ourselves in a long distance relationship at some point in our lives. Whether separated for educational reasons, extended travel, military service or business requirements, surviving a long distance relationship always requires the same 4 things; Commitment, Communication, Consideration, and Direct Approach.
The first thing to consider when thinking about starting up a long distance relationship (LDR,) or when faced with a significant other’s choice to physically separate, is the level of commitment both of the partners feel. A discussion must take place to determine the future of the relationship, and set the ground rules if the couple decides to pursue it.
“Will we be monogamous?” This is a difficult decision. If you are unmarried, the promise of monogamy while separated is very frequently challenged and historically difficult to keep. Should the separation be for only a matter of months, monogamy may be the right choice. A couple can decide that although they are physically separated, they will remain true, and will trust enough in each other to stay faithful despite the distance. This may be a much more challenging feat if you are separated for a longer period of time, so one must not enter into this agreement thinking “well, what he/she doesn’t know, won’t hurt him/her.” Honesty and trust must be established and strong for this to work.
For married couples, monogamy should be a given, yet, here again, honesty and frequent communication are key to maintaining the bond that will keep the couple faithful and unchallenged.
“Maybe we should allow ourselves to see other people?” An agreement before the separation to allow both parties involved to see other people, and then to reunite later if fate deems it so, is the most reasonable solution for unmarried couples. Opening the door, whether or not the threshold actually gets crossed, is an honest way to approach a separation. It is much better to decide this as a couple, then to receive a phone call 6 months down the line with a confession of infidelity. Of course, this would be a difficult decision for a couple, but having a trust betrayed is much more damaging to the relationship.
Once the level of commitment is established, make your long distance relationship work through communication. It is vitally important to maintaining a healthy and growing relationship. Couples can communicate in a variety of ways to make the relationship even stronger than it might be when seeing each other was “convenient and easy.”
• Talk: Speaking on the phone or through a webcam set up is important. Hearing your loved ones voice will bring a smile to your face and make the distance feel less great. Speak at least once a week, and don’t call too frequently, as maintaining a conversation when you really have nothing to say can be frustrating. Also, don’t expect your loved one to sit night after night by the phone. Arrange for a time to call that will allow him/her to socialize with other friends and be involved in the community where they now live.
• Write: Email is fast and easy. Start up a little journal to your loved one that will talk about friends and daily events and send every 3 days or so. Use the regular mail service to send love letters and cards for no reason other than to please your significant other and make them smile.
Be considerate of the feelings and needs of you long distance relationship partner. Find ways to bridge the distance and keep the romance alive.
• Care Packages: Once a month send a box with favorite things, photos, home baked treats and maybe even a videotaped message from you!
• Conspire with a friend of your loved one who might be with him/her. Send money and arrange for them to take your beloved to a movie and dinner. When the evening is over, ask them to hand them a love letter from you, or a card. Let him/her know you want them to have fun, and that you wish you could be there as well. Follow up with a late night call to reap the benefits of your thoughtfulness.
• Send flowers for no reason
• Create home made cards or little stories with photos from events or experiences you have shared in the past.
Really, consideration means putting the feelings of your long distance lover on the front burner. Think of ways to make them happy even through the miles, and keep the lovin’ feeling alive.
If you find the relationship is changing use the direct approach when dealing with it. Don’t avoid phone calls, be cranky during conversations or otherwise attempt to “make” the other person want to break up with you. Be honest, and discuss your feelings and what you want to happen to the relationship. Being direct may help you maintain the friendship, and create an environment where perhaps it could be rekindled should the distance cease to be a factor. If you have met someone else however, don’t string along your significant other. Be truthful about what, if any, future you see between the two of you, and allow him/her to find happiness elsewhere.